Looking Down the Rabbit Hole

On my journey through healing and moving on, I came across the piece below.  It really does hit the nail on the head.  I recall many occasions hearing how he would drop everything and help someone out, even if it cost him time and money. This was the point where I attempted a discussion on boundaries (bad idea, don't try this maneuver, don't teach a narc adult basic human decency, it won't turn out well). He would get angry when, because he did so and so a favor the exact time they needed it, they wouldn't drop everything they were doing right now and help him. Plan ahead????  Pfft ... for shame the thought should cross your mind!!!! I saw many people landing on his shit list because ... gasp .... they have boundaries.  Much like myself. Credit for this wonderful piece of work goes to Updated on December 19, 2017 The Little Shaman    more The Little Shaman is a spiritual counselor, hypnotherapy practitioner, and a specialist in Cluster B personality disord

When you exchange vows with a future partner it should be a genuine act of devotion between two equal partners.  Each others' best interests should be at the heart of it. The desire to grow & change with each other, share lives, ideas, dreams, plans, goals should be mutual for as long as you both shall live. This is possible, it happens, but never with a narcissist. You fell in love with the charm, the charisma, the fun spirit who just seemed to flow, low key, patient, in tune and perfect. Convinced this was the best thing, an answer to those prayers, a partner at last. Sadly, the mask slips. You chalk it up to a one-off. The marriage ceremony took place, promises were made and this time, when the mask slips, it just keeps sliding, revealing all, a little at a time. Until one day, you stand back in stupefication. What just happened? These highly dysfunctional devils rarely ever say what they mean, or mean what they say. Wedding vows are certainly no exception. When you ma

“Let go or be dragged.”  Sums up the connection to a narcissist. Also, any other personality-disordered soul. If you don't disconnect, they certainly won't. They'll stick around on the outskirts of your life for as long as they think you might talk to them again or leave the door cracked open. The door has to be completely shut. Glued, nailed, taped ... shut tight never to open again. It’s easy to totally blame the narcissist, but the truth is we’re choosing to engage once we see the mask fall and the fakery arise. We are making a conscious choice to take on an impossible relationship with an impossible person who cannot think logically. They're thinking is disordered, chaotic, based on feeling alone, not fact. As adults we always have the choice to let go. Walk away.  We didn't break this, we can't fix it.  If this person hasn't taken control of their own life and chaos by now, why do you possibly think they will just for you?  Nothing personal, we&

When the narc is busy slandering and smearing, are you listening?  He's telling you all about himself. Every day away from the narc is a better day. Better health, better sleep, more peace. Detachment is key. Objectivity is important. Humor helps. Remember: the ones who know you best and truly care for you know better. The ones that support the mean words in public he says, the lies he pushes, they are just another supply for him.  He'll discard them just as easily when he's sucked them dry. He cares no more for those "friends" that support him in his time of need when he was so callously abandoned (for lying, deceiving, manipulating ... ) than he did for his own wife. They are even less than she was. But they are the fuel he needs right now: buying his BS, lifting him up, adoring him for being so strong in the face of such adversity (that he, solely, created). So yes, support your narc friend, give him that fuel he needs, help him perpetuate those lies u

I would never get an apology, for anything. Not a real one anyways, just the sometimes one intended for him to just move on already to more fun and exciting things. Like finding other women, social media, games, youtube, socializing and leeching. He constantly implied that I was stupid enough to believe these "sincere" apologies. The "I'm sorry" is always followed by a "but." That "but" directly negates what is said directly before it.  He loved this word also. A couple times I pointed out to him to not bother if he's going to follow it with a  "but". He tried do whatever it would take to trap me in his web of lies. I watched as he saw me swallow down the little ones, then the bigger ones he got away with. He thought I was hooked, that I would believe anything he tells me. Any time I called him out on his lies, he'd just tell a different one. Try to rewrite history. So how do you know what a true apology is versus a

Speaking on experience, this is how a narcissist makes sure nothing gets resolved: 1. Circular conversations You’ll think you worked something out, only to begin discussing it again in the next conversation. And it’s as if you never even said a word the first time around, or the 10th time around. The narcissist has lots of complaints about you, while ignoring any legitimate arguments you may have provided, time and again. At the end of the conversation, nothing will be resolved. The same issues will come up over and over again and... again.  And every time you bring up these issues, it’s as if you never even had the argument in the past. You get sucked back in, only to feel crazy & high-maintenance, then they decide “I’m sick of always arguing about this.” It’s a merry-go-round. So I began early on, informing him that I will not repeat the same conversations ad nauseum.  He's a grown man, take notes. I would walk away. This from a man who once told me he hated when he

Healing from Narcissistic abuse is a recovery process. Trying to wrap my brain around the "WHY?" is my current path.  Although I know why logically, emotionally it makes it no easier to grasp. It makes it no less confusing or me less angry for having been duped and taken advantage of.  I fell in love with charm, the carefully selected group of people who fed his ego and need for supply.  I fed that need too, unknowingly, unwittingly. He saw my adoration for a previous partner who earned that adoration. Not only earned it, but fed it, watered it, took care of it and nourished it, mutually. He showed me good guys are really still out there. Then my partner passed away.  My STBX Narc was right there, ready to pounce on my vulnerability, and he wasted no time. I bought into my STBX's charm and fun-ness. Little did I know at the  time I was being " love bombed ", supported by family that was hoping I would save them from dealing with him, yet again. His irresponsib